Swinger Etiquette & Party Tips
Swinging, like anything, has rules.
These rules of etiquette allow you to have a more enjoyable and safe experience while participating in any swinger parties or events.
Taking some time to learn about swinger etiquette will ease some of the worries about what to expect when going to a party for the first time.
Here are some common guidelines & tips.
Come With An Open Mind And Good Attitude
The most important thing about swinging is to have a good time and allow others to do the same. Explore your sexuality, act out your fantasies and enjoy emotional growth with your partner and others. If you’re not ready to participate you can still thoroughly enjoy your evening by chatting with other guests, relaxing in the hot tub (when available) or watching others play.
Communicate With Your Partner
Be honest about your feelings. Do not let your negative feelings grow out of control while not expressing them to your partner. Be honest with your partner. Do not abuse your partner’s trust. Get the ground rules figured out between you and your partner before you get to the party. Some couples just want to play in the same room as others; some want to swap partners and others will play with out their partner. “Quarrels Between Partners” need to be taken home. If you and your partner are having a dispute, don’t get loud, don’t call each other names, just go home and give yourselves time to calm down. Nothing will get resolved by arguing in a house full of people.
You don’t have to play at a party. Sometimes it takes a couple of parties before you decide to take the plunge! If you want to play and you’re not sure how to get started just remember everyone is there for the same reason. Don’t be shy, just go up to a couple or single you like, introduce yourselves, have a chat about other parties they have been to or what their rules are and if you get along ask them if they would like to join you for a play. You could also take your partner to the open play room where people are already playing, play next to them and join in, after you ask of course. There is no pressure to play. You don’t have to have sex with everyone at the party, unless that’s what you want.
Only Do What Is Fun For You
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
Arriving At The Party
Discretion is of utmost importance! Please use common sense when entering/exiting the venue and talking in outside areas so as not to inform others that a party is taking place. Do not give out the venue address to anyone! If you have friends wanting to attend with you please let the hosts know in advance. All guests need to have a phone chat with the host before being allowed to attend. All fantasies parties are by “invitation only” so whether they are a single male, lady or couple no one will be allowed to enter that isn’t on the guest list. Members giving out the venue address to other members OR non members will lose their membership status and not be invited back!
Gentleman: If you RSVP as a couple and your female partner cannot attend at the last minute, please DO NOT show up as a single. You will not be let in. Call the host and depending on the theme night and the number of guests attending you still may be able to attend.
Arrive With A Swinging Partner
This might seem obvious but some people become so obsessed with their sexual fantasies that they will do ‘anything’ to act them out. Do not bring a mutual friend that does not plan to participate (i.e. ‘a ticket’), do not hire an escort (professionals are not welcome), do not surprise your wife or lover by bringing them to a party without their full knowledge of the nature of the party.
What To Wear To A Party
Wear an inviting smile! Dress sexy! This is a sex party so wear something that expresses your mood! Be as sexy, erotic, revealing and adventurous as you like! If you’re a nudist and prefer to wear nothing at all ~ that’s fine too! If it’s your very first time and you don’t feel comfortable with changing into lingerie upon arrival perhaps bring a robe to slip on. We do not allow street clothes at our events so if lingerie is too daring get creative & wear a sexy costume! Next party be prepared to check your inhibitions at the door! If everyone is in sexy gear it’s much more fun! See the FAQ’s and Rules pages for more info on our dress code. Leave money, jewellery, and other valuables at home. The best way to not lose something valuable is to leave it at home.
If it is a theme party, plan on dressing that way. If you do not like the theme do not go. You will change the atmosphere and ruin the mood. Many theme parties call for costumes, special party wear or a special activity. Swinging is fun, so go with it.
Be aware that this can be a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated – with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we want to be treated ourselves. WITH RESPECT. This courtesy should also extend to the hosts. If you make a reservation – honour it and arrive on time. Call to cancel if you cannot honour it.
Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
How And Why To Say No
The right to say “no” is a steadfast rule at any swinger party or event. Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say “No” to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple “no thanks but thanks for asking” . If you are not interested in swinging with a particular person or couple, this will suffice with no explanation needed. Explanations can only lead to problems and hurt feelings. When someone declines your offer do not ask again.
When you attend a fantasies party you should bring some supplies with you. It is best to pre-arrange what you are going to bring. Towels are essential if you’re going to use the hot tub or jucuzzi (when available) or tub/shower. Toiletries such as deodorant, toothbrush and perfume/cologne come in handy. Please use fragrances in moderation. Feel free to bring your favourite toys if you like. Never bring anything illegal such as drugs. If the party is BYO then bring your own bottle and drink only your own bottle unless someone else invites you to take a drink. Condoms are usually supplied but it never hurts to have a few extra on hand just in case.
Arrive On Time
It is not fashionable to be late to a swingers’ party. Respect the time frame that the host has asked guests to arrive within. At fantasies play usually starts right after our door prize draw so we prefer that all guests arrive on time so everyone has a chance to meet clothed face to face first. Call before the party starts to announce you will not be able to make it. If the host has a set finish time please respect that and do not stay past that time. You don’t have to stay all night; you are free to leave whenever you want.
Nothing turns a person off faster than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. Especially on a hot summer night. Showers are always available and are there to be used. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever can do or rather UNDO!
Don’t Be Pushy
If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say “No, thank you,” do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say “NO” at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.
No Means No
If someone says no, do not pursue them, do not do it and stop asking ~ in fact don’t even think about it! If someone asks you to do something you do not want to do, politely say no. That is being honest. Saying “Maybe later, not right now” etc. is leading the person on and toying with their emotions. They might ask you again later creating the same situation you were just in. Only say “Maybe later, not right now” if you honestly mean it.
There Are No Guarantees
Attending a lifestyle party does not guarantee that you will have an encounter. It is simply the opportunity to mix and mingle with like-minded people. Everyone is there for the same reason so chances are if you click with someone you’ll end up having a whole lotta fun! If you don’t ‘get lucky’ you don’t get your donation back. There are no refunds! If you are asked to leave for inappropriate behaviour (see below) you will not get a refund or an invite back.
Follow The House Rules
Respect the rules the hosts have set! Where to park, eat, drink, be quiet, smoke, have sex and everything else. If you spill something, clean it up. If you drop something, pick it up. Put used condoms in the garbage not left on the floor or bed!! Treat the establishment as if you owned it. Do not disturb people that are having intimate moments. Do not disrupt the mood of any room you are in. The group room is for group sex, if you and your partner’s motors are not primed and running you should not be there.
Follow The Room Rules
Please be aware of the room rules. The “Private Room” is to be used for private ‘closed door’ encounters only and not for open play. If you use it as an open room then the guests who want to play privately have no place to go and may try shutting an open room door which isn’t acceptable either. Use the “Private Room” for door closed private encounters only! If you want privacy please DO NOT use any of the open rooms as these doors are to remain open at all times and also designated for people who want to watch others. If these doors are found to be shut the host will open them. The only door that can be shut is the private room door.
This is the only room where you can shut the door and have no one watch you or ask to join in. Never under any circumstances should you open the door to the private room if it is shut. Even if you know someone in the room or had an encounter with them earlier. They are now in there with someone else and expect their privacy to be maintained. The people using the private room are in there for a reason. They may enjoy an encounter with other guests of their choice but do not feel comfortable with others watching or asking to join in. Please be respectful of that. If you’re the shy type feel free to use the private room but don’t stay in there all night. Be thoughtful of others who may want to use it too. The general rule is you are welcome to use the private room for one encounter per party so that others may enjoy it too.
Open Play Room
This room may have multiple beds and is where couples and/or groups can play individually or together. If you are looking for privacy this is definitely not the room for you. If you go to an open room you can expect others to watch and/or ask to join (the right of refusal always applies). Never join in on an activity unless invited. Always ask first!
Alcohol & Drugs
While drugs are not a common problem at swinger parties, they are usually prohibited as they can cause all kinds of problems, legally and socially. Many swinger parties are BYOB. Social drinking is deemed okay, overindulgence is not. Remember it’s not a piss up. Over-indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle. Guests exhibiting drunken behavior (i.e. spilling drinks, being loud, obnoxious, rowdy, slurred speech, glassy eyes etc) will be asked to leave immediately.
Cameras and Video Cameras are not welcome. Nor should you take any photos with your camera phone. Guest privacy is of utmost importance and anyone found taking photos/video will be asked to leave immediately. Special circumstances would apply to a couple or group of guests who want to photograph ONLY themselves but this must be arranged with the host beforehand with strict guidelines to be followed. The only person authorized to take photos is the party host and this will ONLY be done with your consent.
The use of condoms is MANDATORY at all fantasies events. It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. In this day & age anybody who is offended by the use of condoms is considered selfish and irresponsible. We promote safe sex by supplying condoms and all guests should assume that a condom should be used at all times. Anyone trying to penetrate without a condom should be reported to the host. Fantasies encourages all guests who participate with more than one sexual partner to be regularly tested.
It seems like common sense but unfortunately some people don’t have any so it needs to be said. Not following house rules is unacceptable. Drug use, drunkenness, loud, lewd or obnoxious behaviour, uninvited groping, harassment, unauthorized photo/video taking and opening of Private Room door to watch or join in WILL NOT be tolerated and the offender will be asked to leave the party immediately. Making someone say ‘no thanks’ more than once is unacceptable! Make the hosts aware of anyone that is a problem or not respecting the rules or hosts property. If you are asked to leave for inappropriate behaviour you will not get your donation returned or an invite back.
General Party Etiquette
Do not go room-to-room looking for sex, turning on lights or disrupting the mood in anyway. Finding a place for you and your new partners is ok, if done in a non-disruptive manner.
Do not join an existing activity without asking permission.
Don’t disturb the swinging enjoyment of others. If you are watching, be quiet. No prolonged or loud talking. Keep your voices low and most importantly, don’t get off topic! Conversations about work, sports, last weekends BBQ or cell phone calls are not at all acceptable! Watching people in the open rooms/areas is encouraged and part of the experience but never under any circumstances should you be ruining the mood or ambience.
Practice Safe Sex. It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Men and women who do not want to use condoms are not welcome at fantasies.
If you have a good time, feel free to share that information with others. If you did not have a good time, do not bad mouth the host or club to others; instead speak with the host about it the next day so they have the opportunity to rectify the situation if they can. They are the only people that can address anything that you maybe unhappy about. To speak disparagingly of your experience to the other guests without giving the host a chance to address your concerns is simply poor manners! If it’s an issue that needs immediate attention don’t wait until the next day. Find the host immediately and tell them your concerns. Call or email the hosts to say thank you if you had a good time and let them know what you enjoyed or disliked so they can make the next function an even better one!
Most importantly, respect the privacy of everyone at the party. Most swingers want to be 100% anonymous with everyone that is not a swinger.
Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.